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色付いた花が咲く何時かを願う
その痛み知る君が震えずに水を注げた頃に
見た事の無い色の花がまた君を誘う
redberrie
19 +
04-06-1991
NP - BA - ISCM - 3S01
ex-assumptionknight
<33! |
Saturday, July 11, 2009
: 9:40:00 PM :
hallos. ><" things havent been rolling berrie smoothly since school started. i dunno. there's homework and social life to worry so much about. and stoopid hell hole house where everyone seems to be doing their best to piss me off daily. T_____T and as a result i kinda feel slammed by a typhoon of doubt in quite a few things. which made ferly feel berrie mixed about a mixture of things, with berrie mixed feelings.
rawrr, IDK IDK! ><" it's lyk the things i did since week 1 of this term just turned into a chained reaction that's currently exploding out of hand. and ferly cant seem to control it! okays, so ferly now has berrie mixed feelings about school. :) as in im kinda feeling too much emotions that im kinda confused by it and by the environment that's shocked me so much with it's changes. *headaches* and im currently trying to not let myself think too much or let my mind wonder too much thinking about too many things. cause i end up feeling EMO and a headache. arghh, i think im badd at trying to explain how i feel now. but on the other hand, i try to counter that by focusing/diverting my attention. dont know, but this week ferly really tried hard to pay attention listening to lessons even when she's damn tired and she really did listen quite abit.
oh yeahh, and it didnt help that during this period we are currently tackling homework that ferly is catching no ball. arghh, i hate ball games. was never good at them. T_____T and i hate sharing things with certain ppl. T______T and im a terribly horribly bad-tempered person, just that i dont do that in public. ><"
and there's this slightly growing feeling that i dont lyk my course. it used to be okay in the past, last year. cause i felt that i had great classmates. and lecturer's were ranting on and on about how prospective our course was blahh blahh. and because i havent really decided/thought out that i really lyk to fiddle with artsy stuff, thanks to IS art module.
but lately, just felt that classmates seemed to have changed alot. it's somehow scaring the hell out of me. and it kinda makes me feel damn alone in school, somehow. i dont know, but lately, ferly's really feeling the strain of projects clashing with friendship. ahh, the sheer annoyance of ppl not doing what they know they're supposed to do, and yet they underperform. [?!] okays, or maybe sometimes, i simply try too hard to be friends with the entire class.
and suddenly stoopid lecturers are yakking away [and panicking?!] lyk headless chickens saying that they cant find attachment companies for us. which made ferly feel damn WTH. T_____T so much for paying the poly so much money. and how in world would we know any logistics companies well enough to accept us at this point of economic crises?! shouldnt the school had been planning this since our year 1 or something??! and not NOW. lyk SO LAST MINUTE. urghh. and im sure we did pester and ask the teachers how the attachment details/talks with companies went, from time to time. T____T
hmphh. i tried talking to ppl and i have 2 things that left a strong impression with ferly.
1) it's not worth to ruin your friendship over projects. talk things out.
2) it's the results that ppl look at [stare at, are obssesed with, fixated with] at the end of the day. not how great your poly life was, or how many good friends you made in life, or how cool your cca was.
so for the meantime, i'll just try to keep those 2 things in mind. juggle and balance. i know they sort of contradict each other in a way. HOHO. but IDK. right now. i feel kinda lost. and confused. so much so. that i feel that im a little ridiculous.
that blinding figure in the dark, the lone figure in the light.
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
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CREDITS |
-- HESITATING MEANS DEATH - the GazettE [Italian translation - angeldevil87@LJ]
[English translation - distressedcoma@LJ]
You, who know this pain, will soon plant the seeds here once again
You hope the flowers that changed their colours will bloom someday
You, who know this pain, could you pour water on them without trembling
The colourful flowers you have never seen are calling out for you again