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色付いた花が咲く何時かを願う
その痛み知る君が震えずに水を注げた頃に
見た事の無い色の花がまた君を誘う
redberrie
19 +
04-06-1991
NP - BA - ISCM - 3S01
ex-assumptionknight
<33! |
Friday, July 31, 2009
: 2:10:00 AM :
hallos. :C
i am lyk so damn super stressed. :C
yes.
and i am lyk throwing tantrums left right and centre.
and i dont care.
just blardy hell accommodate me for once, everyone. :DD
just felt lyk being left alone in peace and quiet.
sometimes.
i mean, you know how i feel dont you?
the atmosphere in class is somehow stifling.
the air freaking reeks of competition .
and survival of the fittest.
it's driving me a little insane.
so just let me swing my mood swings till i feel happier okays? :)
ferly's gotta make better use of her life. :]
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
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Tuesday, July 28, 2009
: 6:59:00 AM :
feels so no drive to study.
or faster do finish my homework.
ARGHH.
FERLY IS GETTING LAZIER AND LAZIER EACH DAY. :C
why is it that i feel that i can no longer see the light?
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
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Thursday, July 23, 2009
: 11:19:00 AM :
feels damn annoyed by the work that's piling up.
i do have the mood to do work now.
but stoopid things lyk body getting tired.
and needing rest always seem to be getting in the way.
this weekend still need to go shop for stuff.
even when i dont feel lyk going out.
everyone feels irritating.
ARGHH.
dont feel lyk coming school.
it's getting kinda boring, sickeningly repetitive.
i want a body that doesnt need to sleep or rest.
i'd trade my heart for the eternal light.
i dont know what others want from me.
i need to hurry up and finish all the homework so that i can start studying for eoys.
i need to improve my grades. baddly.
1) GPS Milk Powder
2) PEL Tutorial 8
3) GPS TV Negotiation
4) PEL Tutorial 7
5) MM Shipping Game Presentation [preparation]
6) BF Assignment 2
7) MT LCL
8) MT ICC Conventions
i need to feel more determined.
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
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Tuesday, July 21, 2009
: 2:45:00 AM :
awaken, will of diligence
for thou is essential in this world
for the success of thee master
rise from your slumber
sleep nevermore
awaken, child of abyss
and you shall see the light
dont take your eyes off it
as you run forth
to bath in all that represents hope
hallos.
i broke my WAKA WAKA TOP SCORE AGAINN. :DD
but lately, im constantly in a badd mood.
so damn tired!
and i dont feel lyk doing a single shit!
and when im in a badd mood..
i tend to throw tantrums over small quirky weirdd things.
and currently, i feel lyk ignoring the rest of the world.
i dont care whether the world goes crashing into the sun tmw.
i just dont feel lyk caring.
arghh.
and i feel underpaid.
i want moree pocket money!
but i dont dare ask siaa. ><"
later that woman suree yak yak yak one. ><"
and she was complaining how expensive my 2 new formal tops were.
but i rebuked that i bought cheap pants.
haiya.
whatever lahh.
goshh, i am lyk.
so EMO.
i dont lyk this me!
what's wrong?
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
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Saturday, July 18, 2009
: 10:48:00 PM :
i have lyk so much homework to do that it's scary. ><"
and i have to STOP PLAYING WAKA WAKA! ><"
and i really hope that cheryl can make it out for the date on thursday. ><"
and OMG. Business Ettiquette suddenly really seem to have alot of things to do. STALKING ASSIGNMENT + SHOPPING ASSESSMENT. ><" we are supposed to go to raffles place next wednesday to take photos of glam professionals and not-so-glam office workers. and next next week's dining etiquette lesson! and i need to buy formal clothes! and heels! going to buy tmw.. and makeup! hopefully will get them on thursday. ><"
and does anyone have any suggestions regarding makeup brands and stuff? lyk i really IDK. noob at these kinda stuff. ><" i mean, i dont mind investing in slightly expensive ones. and of course after i buy i will TRY to use as much as possible. but frankly, i feel that makeup only seems to make my panda eyes look more prominent than ever! ><" i just dont feel that comfortable with it. i think. ><"
and yes. im damn scared that i will end up looking lyk some freaking clown next next wednesday in front of the entire
OMG. the idea of office clothes makes me feel that im growing way too fast. and im so not prepared for it! ><"
ahh, may the word 'screwed up' stay as far as possible away from me. :DD
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
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Thursday, July 16, 2009
: 5:13:00 PM :
i think ive never confessed before. but sometimes. i. really. blardy. hell. ZZZZ. !#$)%^&*( hate. schooling. in. spore. i. hate. the. travelling. and. all. the. freaking. walking. and. waiting. and. queueing. and. rushing. and. no sleep. and. eons. of waiting for the old man. and. and the squeezing. and. sweating. and. lack. of. life.
i. feel. so. pissed. now. caused. i. had. waited. lyk. an. asshole. 1 hour plus. for. the. old. man. to. fetch. me. !#$)%^&*(. which. made. today's. early. dismissal. lyk. NO. EARLY. DISMISSAL.
all. the. running. around. for. these. 3. years. has. made. me. berrie. tired.
ARGHH. sometimes. i. really. hate. life. for. being. so. unfair!
i. feel. lyk. i. hate. everything.
W.T.H.
hais.
all. these. feels. lyk. a. blardy. waste. of. my. life.
freaking. waste. of. time.
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
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Wednesday, July 15, 2009
: 12:33:00 AM :
333th post! :DD
lunching with esh tmw. :) kinda patched things up better just now.
ahh, you can read the review here - http://www.popmatters.com/pm/feature/70336-remembering-the-orphan-final-fantasy-viii/
lyk this piece of writing. :) well-written. as in the content really draws the game comparisons and linked them well to reality day-to-day life. touches me in a way + allowed ferly to better appreciate the FFVIII game on the whole. :] especially the part about the writer's pov of Seifer's death, was a great insight. :)
dining with keziaaa tmw as well. :DD she's now rushing her project. ><" but it happened to end up as "not being as difficult as she had thought". jiayous. :)
the mental stress blahh blahh feels killing. ARGHH. i hope i dont get shit groupmates for Business Etiquette. ><"
oh and esh gave me a damn funny, hamburger looking 'LOL' icon! :DD she got it from mr ling! ahahs! :DD
think of mushrooms and be happy! :p - KARL PETER ENRIKO COLONEL TECSON
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
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Sunday, July 12, 2009
: 12:28:00 PM :
i want to become a better person.
i really do.
i want to try. everyday.
to be stronger.
so that i can protect myself better.
and have less sadness in my life.
and bounce back faster when i feel despair.
so that i can face the things that i dont quite lyk so well, yet do them well.
and maybe maybe i can feel happier.
be happier.
and feel that i have more things in life.
that i am truly standing in the light.
or at least being as close as i can get.
i want to become a better person. :)
Mamoru Miyano's voice melts my heart! <33#><" cause it sounds lyk Zero's singing the song! and the song sounds sadd! :C -ROLLS-
okays, i will try my best to catch something about GPS & BF. or else i might make someone sadd. :))
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
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Saturday, July 11, 2009
: 9:40:00 PM :
hallos. ><" things havent been rolling berrie smoothly since school started. i dunno. there's homework and social life to worry so much about. and stoopid hell hole house where everyone seems to be doing their best to piss me off daily. T_____T and as a result i kinda feel slammed by a typhoon of doubt in quite a few things. which made ferly feel berrie mixed about a mixture of things, with berrie mixed feelings.
rawrr, IDK IDK! ><" it's lyk the things i did since week 1 of this term just turned into a chained reaction that's currently exploding out of hand. and ferly cant seem to control it! okays, so ferly now has berrie mixed feelings about school. :) as in im kinda feeling too much emotions that im kinda confused by it and by the environment that's shocked me so much with it's changes. *headaches* and im currently trying to not let myself think too much or let my mind wonder too much thinking about too many things. cause i end up feeling EMO and a headache. arghh, i think im badd at trying to explain how i feel now. but on the other hand, i try to counter that by focusing/diverting my attention. dont know, but this week ferly really tried hard to pay attention listening to lessons even when she's damn tired and she really did listen quite abit.
oh yeahh, and it didnt help that during this period we are currently tackling homework that ferly is catching no ball. arghh, i hate ball games. was never good at them. T_____T and i hate sharing things with certain ppl. T______T and im a terribly horribly bad-tempered person, just that i dont do that in public. ><"
and there's this slightly growing feeling that i dont lyk my course. it used to be okay in the past, last year. cause i felt that i had great classmates. and lecturer's were ranting on and on about how prospective our course was blahh blahh. and because i havent really decided/thought out that i really lyk to fiddle with artsy stuff, thanks to IS art module.
but lately, just felt that classmates seemed to have changed alot. it's somehow scaring the hell out of me. and it kinda makes me feel damn alone in school, somehow. i dont know, but lately, ferly's really feeling the strain of projects clashing with friendship. ahh, the sheer annoyance of ppl not doing what they know they're supposed to do, and yet they underperform. [?!] okays, or maybe sometimes, i simply try too hard to be friends with the entire class.
and suddenly stoopid lecturers are yakking away [and panicking?!] lyk headless chickens saying that they cant find attachment companies for us. which made ferly feel damn WTH. T_____T so much for paying the poly so much money. and how in world would we know any logistics companies well enough to accept us at this point of economic crises?! shouldnt the school had been planning this since our year 1 or something??! and not NOW. lyk SO LAST MINUTE. urghh. and im sure we did pester and ask the teachers how the attachment details/talks with companies went, from time to time. T____T
hmphh. i tried talking to ppl and i have 2 things that left a strong impression with ferly.
1) it's not worth to ruin your friendship over projects. talk things out.
2) it's the results that ppl look at [stare at, are obssesed with, fixated with] at the end of the day. not how great your poly life was, or how many good friends you made in life, or how cool your cca was.
so for the meantime, i'll just try to keep those 2 things in mind. juggle and balance. i know they sort of contradict each other in a way. HOHO. but IDK. right now. i feel kinda lost. and confused. so much so. that i feel that im a little ridiculous.
that blinding figure in the dark, the lone figure in the light.
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
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Thursday, July 09, 2009
: 3:44:00 AM :
okays, i really feel lyk a complete idiot. when the entire world seems to understand how to do the Marinetime Management lab ports assignment. *totally admits that im an idiot when it comes to stuff lyk this.*
HMPHH. i need to cheer up apparently. [?!] even cedric commented during break that i looked emo in Business Etiquette class. HOHO. does that mean im scaring my BE classmates away?! HOHO. but at least i didnt screw up my role play assignment yesterday. the teacher commented that i sounded realistically sincere and nice, good delivery and that i really carried off the role as the charity director well. HOHO. but i didnt think that i sounded that sincere. O_O but i didnt screw my english up real horrid.. think i only tumbled once.. but was feeling so damn shy + paisehh! i mean, i hardly know those ppl! @_@ and my group consisted of all guys! ><" oh and she said that my group had great chemistry.. that, i think is quite true. :) on a side note, i dont think im a great leader. the begleiter assisstant supporter role seems to fit me more. wonder whether if that's a good thing or a bad one.
okays, the contents of the last paragraph is lyk so all over the place. no, i will blog properly. ><" one of these days. ><" and thanks shihui for the talking to. :] and riyanti for the concern! :)
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
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CREDITS |
-- HESITATING MEANS DEATH - the GazettE [Italian translation - angeldevil87@LJ]
[English translation - distressedcoma@LJ]
You, who know this pain, will soon plant the seeds here once again
You hope the flowers that changed their colours will bloom someday
You, who know this pain, could you pour water on them without trembling
The colourful flowers you have never seen are calling out for you again