TheMe
Scribbles
&Etc
OldStuff
Others
色付いた花が咲く何時かを願う
その痛み知る君が震えずに水を注げた頃に
見た事の無い色の花がまた君を誘う
redberrie
19 +
04-06-1991
NP - BA - ISCM - 3S01
ex-assumptionknight
<33! |
Saturday, November 29, 2008
: 11:31:00 PM :
FINALLY. i got my long long long awaited haircut. :) and it costed RM 51, inclusive nice cutting, washing and long list of comments from hair-stylist karen bout my hair.. she said my hair ends are atrocious! XDD ahh, ive anticipated that. and she has cut away quite alot of that. and also that my hair has lots of "marks" = evidence, that i tie my hair up alot! (._____.) i know that too. i will try to reframe from tying so much now. :C and that i wasnt conditioning my hair the proper way. so everyone! make sure your hair is not too wet when applying conditioner! or else your hair will be too "full" of water to absorb the goodness of the conditioner.
mom wasnt all too happy but reasonably kept her temper, hmms. she said that's 4 times the price she pays for her haircut by the neighbourhood auntie, which is RM 13.
anyways, another girl who was helping me wash my hair.. [ahh, stylists dont wash hair for ppl.. O_O] and she kept talking, discussing bout the hair differences between my da jie and me for quite a length of our conversation. and to tell the truth, i wasnt all too happy. it's lyk she was going on and on for quite abit, bout how my hair has tons of nice thick volume of hair and i have thinner and a less hefty-volumed hair. i just kinda got a slight shock.. seeing that how it reminded me of the past. when we were younger, of how ppl lyk to compare us; me and my siblings, esp me and my er jie. and i never really lyk that alot. cause we're both so different. all my siblings and i are totally different.
mom's teacher colleagues would comment loudly in the teacher's office; on how jolly and beamy ferly is and how fervin is so much more serious. and mom would go home and tell me things in private that i should act more mature and stop acting cartoony. and that the me still at primary school age couldnt understand what was wrong with being happy, cheery and jolly as i was. that what was wrong with just being ME.
relatives gathering during chinese new year, and i would always be compared with my same-aged cousin bout blardy dumb things such as height. (.______.) [i always won, anyway. :p] and how they would start discussing bout each of us siblings lyk we were some specimen, case study or something. i dont lyk it. digging up things bout us. it feels totally uncomfortable. and how certain relatives were telling mom such depressing things such as she's wasting money sending us to spore to study, feels lyk they're telling mom to give up on us. and then on the other side lyk being and acting so nice and sweet in front of us kidds. sheesh. maybe that why's mom doesnt lyk family gathering too. i just feel lyk they're not being all too honest with their actions. they say one thing and do some other things behind the scene; that sometimes i dont know which side to believe anymore. managed to skipp last year's cny gathering thanks to work. thank goodness. they were asking asking and asking bout my o's results and stuff. ><" hope i can worm my way outta going next year as well. they'll be bugging me bout my GPA and comparing with cousin who is in a totally different course than mine.
ahh, sorry for the long tripp downn memory lane. ><" and i bought a new foolscape pad. and an wugui pencilcase! :] it's damn ke ai! :p and new shoes. :) love the rose in front. :)) and found a new jacket. but already not enuf to spend on it liao, hahas. but i will still go back to the shop and get it one of these days. :)
and thanks shunqing, peiling and leeping for thursday. :] i felt so much better. thanks. :) i see no way of doing terrifically well for monday's 2 tests. so i'll just do what i cann. :) frankly speaking, all the comparing made by the shampoo girl made me feel spurred up. she got me into a so much more better mood to study. i think i'm gonna remember this trip to the hairdresser's for quite a long time to come. as in, next time some other idiot compares me off, i wanna be able to exert out my unique good points. as ME. :] i think i should be happy with my character. it has changed alot over these 17+ years.
EDITED: btw, i just realised i rarely ever use 'lorhh' and almost never use 'lahhs' in my blogposts! isnt that great? XDD no offense, none at all. :] hahas, by the way that was after flipping through this guy's blog - http://typicalben.blogspot.com/ . he got interviewed by the tv regarding the blogger donation drive thingy.. and he's from our school! but ive got no memory of having seeing him in campus before, hahas. BUT biggest point is ferly watches news. :) and she's uber scared of needles. i should do proper good deeds next year. donating blood literally costs ferly nothing. pricelessly meaningful, dont you think so? :)
and that day at city square's popular book fair, i had a huge impluse to buy off all of paulo coelho books off the rack, hahas. i wanna get refreshed and motivated even more. and his books supposedly performs said points. XDD cause i need to become STRONGER. so that i can lean on myself more comfortably. happily. :]
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
---
Sunday, November 23, 2008
: 12:18:00 AM :
" you have a glass of water.
and you try to dissolve salt into it.
at first the salt will dissolve.
but as you add more and more salt in.
hoping it will all dissolve.
you'll realise that it gets harder and harder.
so in the end.
when the glass of water has already reached its saturation point.
no matter how much salt you put in.
the salt wont dissolve. "
had a talk with eileen through msn this tuesday. for this semester, i feel that things and information arent flowing into my head as they use to last time. and its scaring me. eileen thinks it might be information overload. though my head doesnt really feel all that loaded. or maybe it's just me who hasnt realised. ".. too much stuff cramming inside your head already. so much that it slows down the rate at which your brain digest all those new info. YES. take some stuffs out. then you can put new stuffs in." ferly should just FOCUS hardd. and not think too muchh. :]
but i have seriously no idea on how to survive 4 common tests at 1 go.
and its not helping much that im getting into quarrels with ppl left, right and centre. though it's pretty much resolved on the friends side, things are lyk getting so muchh worse at home. and i really dont feel lyk hanging around home much nowadays. but i dont wanna keep going out either.
it feels lyk i've been always running around rather aimlessly. running towards goals that i cant seem to reach. running away from concrete reality facts of my life that i loathe so much. ahh, just what am i trying to do ferly.
i think that ive just gotta try my best. dont allow myself to look back and feel regretful bout the past. just beacuse i didnt work hardd enuf or something.
once againn, reading celia's blog makes me feel so refreshed bout stuffs and points of view. :))
and i really wanna go out with eileen, hushen and cheryl asap. :) take care ppl. :]
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
---
Friday, November 14, 2008
: 12:21:00 AM :
im tiredd. and falling sick. fa re againn.. and it doesnt help with the stoopid weather being all cold and rainy. and half the school walkways flooding and spore bustops with rain spewing in despite of the shelter.
i love cuddling usa-chan. it just seems to make things feel a weeny bit better. :) so does blogging. and having talks with eshlyn. :]
have been seeing noel alot recently. :) and saw jocelyn today. :]
there's alot of work to do. why?
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
---
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
: 12:26:00 AM :
TIREDD.
and i totally understood and know how it feels now. what eshlyn and jonathan have been talking bout last week. arghh, heck care. you're a ju wai ren. you just dont understand!! and i have stopped trying to make you understand already. that's lyk such a relief for you rites? :)
thanks so much eshlyn for listening to my rants today. :] and sharing your pan bread snack with me. im really damn glad im in leeping's DT group. pretty proud of my work. she's a great pusher who pushes ppl lyk ferly to do her project work SERIOUSLY. :)) sorrys eileen, making you listen to some of my crapp. ><" JIAYOUS kays! :] will try and meet againn real soon.
even leeping's sick. ><" and jonathan who still ate ice kacang. and peter who still went kickboxing. tsk tsk. ppl get well get well! :]
we ate yong tau fu today AGAINN. :)) the brinjal rocks. :)
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
---
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
: 12:02:00 AM :
my mental state of health is totally lyk an all-time low shittass mood now. rubbish nonesensical LAMESHIT. and i SNAPPED on saturday and esp sunday. i dont give a damn. btw, did i say this before? oh, i dont think i did. but here it is : i hate the world. it's digusting. i think that at least once a day. mostly on the way home. dont ask me why. you dont see what i see, you dont feel what i feel anyways.
im so so tiredd. this week is lyk gonna be freakkin hectic. lots and lots of things due. and im lagging dreadfully behind on school work.
school was pretty okays today. great change of atmosphere. i feel happier being with classmates. :) we ate yong tau fu againn. :] really glad that i put in quite a huge chunk of effort for DT tutorial newspaper flowchart and my group used quite alot of my points. :]
quite alot of ppl are starting to have signs of illness, take care ppl. :) oh and peter get well soon. :]
i dont feel lyk seeing you. cause you never understand, you never do. im tiredd of trying to explain things to you. so bye bye. :)
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
---
Sunday, November 09, 2008
: 2:16:00 AM :
The flowers are cherry blossoms, and you are lovely.
The spring's light through green leaves, and your little smile.
Winter is over, the snow has melted,
In your heart spring has arrived.
The voice from the radio is telling me the heavy rain striking the window will continue
The voice i heard on the phone was crying,
It was the familiar voice i should have forgotten
Still, won't you like to go back to that time once again?
Waiting for spring, just like a flower bud, i have now lost my way..
The flowers are cherry blossoms, and you are lovely.
The spring's light through green leaves, and your little smile.
Winter is over, the snow has melted,
In your heart spring has arrived.
The unchanging scenery of the street has taught me,
It was the only thing that was missing here
"our usual place" was decided to be in front of the station,
My trembling heart is urging me forward.
Still, do i want to hold your hand once again?
Embracing the spring, just like the mist,
Now, i am shaking..
The flowers are fragrant and you are lovely,
Floating on the water's surface the lights are dancing.
The wind is roaring,
The streets are lively,
And my heart is mesmerised by the spring.
Still, will spring let this flower bloom once again?
Waiting for me, your umbrella is still open at the station.
The flowers are cherry blossoms, and you are lovely.
The spring's light through green leaves, and your little smile.
Burning out sometimes, the spring sighs,
The sighs of us both, pile upon the season.
The flowers are cherry blossoms, and you are lovely.
The spring's light through green leaves, and your little smile.
Winter is over, the snow has melted,
In my heart spring has arrived.
____________________________________________________
im not that crazy bout this song, but just thought that it'll be good to put this song up. and also for a change. :) thank kews eileen. you honestly motivate me to study, hahas. :]
on and off. will it ever end?
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
---
Friday, November 07, 2008
: 1:37:00 AM :
hallos! :)
my hands are currently itching to colour this scan of ciel. and im planning to make his clothes blue. cause ciel just looks good in blue. and im waiting for keziaaa to clean the scan. but my hands are still itching to colour.. ><" and so i printed out a copy of the scan and tried colouring a weensy bit.. and im kinda shocked that my colouring skills seem to have deteriotated ALOT. :C :C sobs* i hope it was the paper's fault. cause i printed it on normal A4 paper, not drawing paper..
ahh, i cant wait for hols. then i'll have time to enjoy life abit more againn. :]
and liposuction seriously feels kinda freakkin gross. eww. with all the O_O pain, brusing and scarring and stuff. glups* my comt topic is on obesity btw. and im in charge obesity solutions inclusive of lipo, slimming pills and government / family / friends / counsellors support.
life is speeding up even more and stoopid deadlines are all crashing head on. ><" but i feel happier than in term 1. term 1 was literal hell. term 2 feels better. maybe because i know better of what to expect. and cause i have classmates with me. :) it feels damn hell lots better. :))
and i will make full use of the weekend, seeing that i have 3 quizzes coming up next week. ><" must do well for them kays ferly. :]
that's pretty much for this update.
ppl who are sick! jocelyn!! and peter! please take care and get well soon. rest well. :)
cya! :]
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
---
Saturday, November 01, 2008
: 11:26:00 PM :
HALLOS! :D
i am so friggin irked. whoever invented the scientific notebook 5.5 should just go and gad himself. that software reeeaaally SUCKS big time. I HATE IT.
my mood this week has been totally erratic. and it's all that thingys fault.. points above* i think i scared keziaaa a little on thursday kept laughing and acting lyk someone with only half a brain. oh we ate macs at kap on friday for dinner. :]
but everytime i reach home, i just simply felt that i hated everything.
and i lyk to eat yong tau fu. ive been eating that ALOT. and i promise to eat even more veggies. and save up. SAVE UPP.
and ive been wearing skirts to school ALOT. i know. hahas, ppl have been telling me that. the weather's really hott. and i dont wanna wear jeans. eeks, in case i need to walk across the causeway.. ><" not really pleasant. but there's been less traffic jams at the causeway in the mornings. im GLADD. and maths tutorial 3 was managable. but i still have questions. ><"
and i lyk kuroshitsuji uber uber much! :) esp ciel. X] think it's damn cool to have 'phantomhive' as a surname. and being called an earl at the age of 12. ahh, the bigshot feel, hahas.
eshlyn has been looking lyk hell for this sem. :C take care. ive been lyk shitt too. so take care ferly. :) stop getting pissed off so easily. CHILL. :))
i still have alot of undone work. feel lyk ive been doing OT for the whole of my life. urghh, that's so no life. hurry hurry hurry! finish work!!
ferly BUCK UP. :)
_________________________________________________________
Nothing I say comes out right,
I can’t love without a fight,
No one ever knows my name,
When I pray for sun, it rains.
I’m so sick of wasting time,
But nothing’s moving in my mind,
Inspiration can’t be found,
I get up and fall but,
I’m Alive, I’m Alive, oh yeah
Between the good and bad is where you’ll find me,
Reaching for heaven.
I will fight, and I’ll sleep when I die,
I’ll live my life, I’m Alive!
Every lover breaks my heart,
And I know it from the start,
Still I end up in a mess,
Every time I second guess.
All my friends just run away,
When I’m having a bad day,
I would rather stay in bed, but I know there’s a reason.
I’m Alive, I’m Alive, oh yeah
Between the good and bad is where you’ll find me,
Reaching for heaven.
I will fight, and I’ll sleep when I die,
I’ll live my life, I’m Alive!
When I’m bored to death at home,
When he won’t pick up the phone,
When I’m stuck in second place,
Those regrets I can’t erase.
Only I can change the end,
Of the movie in my head,
There’s no time for misery,
I won’t feel sorry for me.
I’m Alive, I’m Alive, oh yeah
Between the good and bad is where you’ll find me,
Reaching for heaven.
I will fight, and I’ll sleep when I die,
I’ll live my life, ohhhh!
I’m Alive, I’m Alive, oh yeah
Between the good and bad is where you’ll find me,
Reaching for heaven.
I will fight, and I’ll sleep when I die,
I’ll live my hard life,
I’ll live my life,I’m Alive!
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
---
-
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
September 2011
March 2012
CREDITS |
-- HESITATING MEANS DEATH - the GazettE [Italian translation - angeldevil87@LJ]
[English translation - distressedcoma@LJ]
You, who know this pain, will soon plant the seeds here once again
You hope the flowers that changed their colours will bloom someday
You, who know this pain, could you pour water on them without trembling
The colourful flowers you have never seen are calling out for you again