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色付いた花が咲く何時かを願う
その痛み知る君が震えずに水を注げた頃に
見た事の無い色の花がまた君を誘う
redberrie
19 +
04-06-1991
NP - BA - ISCM - 3S01
ex-assumptionknight
<33! |
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
: 10:32:00 PM :
im unhappy.
im frustrated.
im tired.
why cant i just lead a normal life lyk everyone else?
sometimes, i really envy those who can say honestly say that they love their family.
but i've always told myself, 'it's okay even if i dont have a family that i think is loving. i'll survive. it doesnt matter. i can succeed even if no one gives a shit about me.'
and i still think that way. I'LL SURVIVE.
THAT'S WHY, IT'S OKAY.
i told someone today.. 'it's okay. at least you're being truthful to yourself right?'
i think i should apply that to myself more.
the least thing i could do is to be truthful to myself.
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
---
: 9:10:00 AM :
school is lyk HELL.
at least school work is.
i dont know whether to tear maths book into shreds or throw the comp against the wall.
cause the scientific notebook keeps not working properly at home.
and that TOTALLY wreck up my studying schedule for lyk quite a few days.
i constantly cannot do my MATHS.
i feel berrie upset with myself.
and i feel tired.
kinda demoralised this week.
must constantly remind myself to buck up.
BUCK UP FERLY.
gahh, i sound so no life. always complaining bout things in half of my entries. but there's really alot of things to complain about.
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
---
Monday, October 27, 2008
: 3:57:00 PM :
01. What have you been doing recently?
trying my best to work hard on my school work.
02. Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
they tend to run outta batt and turn off.
03. What happened at 10.00am today?
sleeping.
04. When did you last cry?
sometime last week.
05. Believe in fate/destiny?
i dont know. how do you define those things?
06. What do you want in your life right now?
become friggin rich. become a vampire!! :]
07. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood?
i tend to destroy all the umbrella's ive used. cause im always too lazy to open and dry them.
then they get all rusty and orange.
08. What's your favourite thing to have on your bed?
USA-CHAN! X]
09. What bottom are you wearing now?
blue fbts.
10. What's the nicest text in your inbox say?
they say that im NICE. :)
11. Do you tend to make a relationship complicated?
maybe in the long-term.
12. Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
nopes.
13. What was the last movie you caught?
kurosagi, the movie.
14. What are you proud of?
my inability to do maths!! hmms, trying my best to survive in this world. :)
15. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say?
must i check? i think it must be from keziaaa.
16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
i hum. D.Gray Man's musician song. :)
17. Do you have any nicknames?
redberrie - squadmates. newer ones would be LAM by eshlyn and stuff lyk buddy lam from jonathan.
18. What does your last received text message say?
from xinmei, saying that she would be late.
19. What time did you go to bed last night?
3+ am, fell asleep while re-reading Breaking Dawn. edward! X]
20. Are you currently happy?
irritated. i couldnt do my maths.
21. Who gives you best advice?
i dont really know.. eileen, hushen, eshlyn, friends whom i spill to alot?
22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
i will NEVER EVER do such a horriffic act.
23. Who did you talk on phone last night?
mom, dad.
24. Is anything bugging you right now?
blardy maths.
25. What/who was the last thing/person to make you laugh?
da jie.
26. Do you wear toe socks?
nopes.
27. Who was the last person you missed a call from?
i think it was da jie.
28. Have you ever had your heartbroken?
i think so! it was such a long time along, can hardly remember it.
29. What annoys you most in a person?
ahh, ALOT of things can and could.
30. Do you have a crush on anyone?
fictional characters probably dont count.
31. Have you ever done cocaine?
nopes.
32. What is the colour of your room?
pale yellow. :\
33. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollar?
i might. just tell me who is it i will be killing. i'll give it a thought.
34. Do you believe in the saying: talk is cheap?
what are you talking about? does it have something to do with 'all talk no show'?
35. Who was the last person to lie in your bed?
me. :)
36. Who was the last person to hug you?
i hugged peiling on friday, hahas.
37. Did anyone see the last person you kissed?
shh, nopes.
38. Do you have a life?
hardly.
39. Have you ever think someone died, when they really didnt die?
yeahh, me. but i dont really take it as 'die', i'd say it's an 'evolution of character'.
40. What is the reason behind your profile song?
blog song? cause it's nice mahh. i got abit addicted. wait till i find the kuroshitsuji full op.
42. Last time you smiled?
today!
43. Have you changed this year?
yupps, my face got better and truckloads more of things to worry about.
44. What are you listening right now?
nothing.
45. Are you talking to someone when you doing this?
nopes.
46. Do you walk with your eyes open or closed?
open. doesnt everyone?
47. Is there a quote you live by?
i dont think so.
48. Do you want someone you cannot have?
not now really. i only have grades that i cannot obtain. :\
49. Have you ever played an instrument?
piano and some other trinklets.
50. What was the worst idea you've had in this week?
skipping sunday night's appointment.
51. What are you doing last night at 11pm?
walking or in the toilet.
52. Are you happy with your love life right now?
i dont have one!
53. What song best describe your love life?
no idea.
54. Does the person know that you like him/her?
if you're talking bout the old crushes arhh.. hahas, never told them.
55. Who always make you laugh?
whoever's being silly. honestly, nowadays is eshlyn. ALOT.
56. Do you speak other language other than English?
chinese! some malay. scraps of jap. scraps.
57. Favourite website(s)?
my blog? dont really have one.
58. What's your middle name?
its a spacing!
59. What are you doing tomorrow?
having World War ### with maths.
60. What do you think you are like?
pretty crazy. spontaneous. but ermms, much more emo deep down.
i dont know. but sometimes i feel lyk im wearing some kinda masquesrade mask.
but im the emo kind who die die still needs to smile at least once a day.
61. Who will you choose to die with?
ooh, that's a first. ive never thought of it.
62. Where have you been today?
at home.
63. What game do you play often?
mind games?
64. Who are you missing right now?
squadmates, friends? actually, not really anyone now.
65. If you have to choose between friend and love, who will you choose?
i dont know. who's that love?
66. What are you doing right now?
trying not to feel demoralised with school work.
67. Which primary school are you from?
SJK(C) St. Joseph.
68. Name 3 colours that you like?
i lyk almost all colours. :)
69. What emotion you like to show?
i dont know. light smile? :)
70. What is your life to you?
hell! argh, pretty shitt.
71. If you have something troubling you, what will you do?
mope and think.
72. Who did you last chat in msn today?
yesterday's was xinmei.
73. Who do you admire most?
hmms, maybe eileen? she's pretty mighty to me.
74. Which month are you born in?
june!
75. How are you feeling right now?
still frustrated from maths.
76. What is the time now?
4.43 pm
77. What kind of person do u think the one who tagged you is?
ooh, is keziaaa counted? she's a NICE person. though she looks mighty cold. hahas. :]
78.What colour did you use to dye hair?
it's not dyed.
79. Why are you doing this test?
cause it looked funn. :)
80. What do you do when you're moody?
take a nap. sleep.
81. At which age you wish to get married?
after i can earn enough to support myself. better still, buy a house and car.
82. Who is more important to you?
im not too sure.
83. If today is the last day of your life, what will you do?
watch more anime?! call up friends. eat all the exquisite food i can find. splurge all my money.
84. Who is the person you trust the most?
squadmates. hahas, they're sacred?!
85. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after a rain?
depends if you're lucky enuf to be at the right place at the right time.
86. If you have a dream come true, what would it be?
to become a vampire, definitely. immortal and beautiful and clever. i'll never ever have issues with maths againn.
87. What is your goal for this year?
to score damn well.
88.Do you believe in eternity love?
probably no.
89. What feeling do you love most?
being happy and carefree!
90. Do you really think its Global Warming now?
of course.
91. What feeling do you hate most?
frustrated with lack of time than the rest of the world. fatigue from pulling an all-nighter. it makes you feel lyk your neck's gonna snapp at any moment and your eyeballs are gonna roll out as and when they lyk.
92. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
nopes.
93. Do you believe in God?
hardly. god only popps into my mind after a horrendous paper and i'll be praying that i can pass.
94. Who cares for you most?
i think that would be me.
95. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
im not soo sure. i know money's impt.
96. What will you bring when you fight?
smokescreens? i dont know. what kind of question is this?!
97. What have you done regretted doing in your whole life?
the list goes on and on and on and on.
98. What would you feel if no one no longer cares for you?
continue living on lahh, damnit. otherwise what? go go and die yourself?
99. What if your boyfriend/girlfriend two-timed you?
hahas, kill him?
100. How do you feel now?
im gonna continue slandering maths againn with unpleasant words..
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
---
: 3:41:00 PM :
RAWRR. i feel lyk shit.
and so they live happily ever after. :)
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
---
Friday, October 24, 2008
: 1:07:00 AM :
i am not progressing much with my SCM e-tutorial. drat that.
and ESHLYN and me have just turned more and more xiao with this new sem. it's MADNESS and FUNN talking to each other. HAHAS. XDD
okays, monday! met weiyi on the 6.45 am shuttle bus, and went school together. :) and most of the week was spent trying berrie hard not to tear my maths book into shreds. cause i cant do my sums. eek. esp monday. thanks peiling and eshlyn for helping me with my tutorial 1. tuesday! i still think mr yeo's really doing a great job for DT lectures! and i still enjoy them! :] only spent the 1st 35 mins bring half-awake, considering the fact that i only slept lyk an hour the day before.. the rest of the lesson, ferly was pretty much wide-awake. :) wednesday was another pretty wild day!! survived the morning maths class. then lunch! eshlyn, peter, lance, alvin, roy, jonathan and me went SIM canteen for food! X] the u-mian is really really oishii! umai!! :p and i felt full! :) wee! hahas. then went for econs lecture without knowing much.. :\ doze off a few times. econs just feels boring to me. :C but some others seem to enjoy alot, i dont know why!! O_o
and i got into arguements with dad TWICE this week. NOT MY FAULT. he started it. and he concluded it that it was all my fault. WTH. wth. honestly. thank goodness he's not and never the one issuing pocket money for me. sheesh.
and i desperately need to study harder! study study study. esp maths. i need to work in double the effort for that.
and i want more kuroshitsuji! OMG, yayy! X]
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
---
Monday, October 20, 2008
: 1:18:00 AM :
my brain just seems to have gotten some kinda weirdd upgrade.
have been having alot of things on my mind lately.
there are swirls and swirls of thoughts attacking my brain
when im not super preoccupied with fatigue.
other than studies anyways.
arghh, and it's kinda getting irritating.
something lyk having different facets of 'me' screaming thoughts about different things at myself.
and im sorta having trouble drowning the voices out.
gosh, i might be going STARK RAVING MADD.
and some comments about the holiday..
it's been really laid-back and slack.
i got to sleep alot.
im starting to see my life much more clearly and in perspective after the holidays.
thinking much more bout the things i want to do.
i dont really know what i means to live life to the fullest, but i definitely would want to have as little regrets as possible.
and that's why it makes jiayou-ing all the more impt.
and learning to understand myself better when it comes to relationships with other ppl.
and i kinda found something today.
got abit of a slight shock when i read it.
had to read a few more times to let the truth sink in.
well, maybe it's partly a truth.
a theory.
an explanation.
but it definitely doesnt serve as an answer.
i might need alot alot more time for that.
no point moving on when things wont work out.
ferly, please please concentrate on what you're doing.
oh and thanks peiling. felt that you were surprisingly nice on friday. :]
i know the word 'surprisingly' sounds odd there.
but i dont really know any other way of phrasing it. :)
hahas, not that i had expected anything less from you. XDD
_______________________________________________________________
the above was actually typed yesterday.
and i feel super super murderous.
feel lyk tearing my maths book into shreds.
this ALWAYS happens when i do maths!
sheesh, hahas.
and i wish that dad would blardy hell stop STOP touching my stuff.
or throwing them to some damp disgusting corner of this stoopid house.
or just shifting them.
why cant he just leave my things be??!?!
godamnit. it drives me up the wall lahh.
and can my bro please please just do something to fix the internet on my lappy?
why is everyone being so shitass?!!
hmms, im missing sqms! :C
ahh, how random.
i lyk school.
even though there's a shit lotsa work.
but there's the funn part too.
keep that in mind ferly.
and work harder for maths. :)
and i simply love Midnight Sun. X]
OMG, edward is honestly the bestest guy in the world, no? :p
btw, the Twilight movie releases on Dec 18! :]
ahahs, i cant wait~!! :)
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
---
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
: 12:28:00 AM :
i drank coffee and ate 6 pieces of low-salt high fibre biscuits.
meaning, i was supposed to be on a studying campaign all through the night.
BUT.
i cant do maths.
shit, the MOL doesnt work for me. neither does that dumb scientific notebook 5.5..
and i cant do BASIC ALGEBRA.
and im pretty sure im the only human being that has C6 for emaths in my class.
okays, that's really embarassing. not to mention pathetic.
sheesh, i really need to dig out my sec 3 emaths textbook and start all over againn.
I MUST NOT RUN AWAY FROM MATHS.
let's rewind and go back to last monday okays? :) saw yeelin and puiian at bukit timah market there while having dinner! :DD really damn happy and excited, hahas. i was beaming all the way to home to myself. :]
last wednesday woke up feeling weirdd. puked a little. thursday abit better. friday felt weirdd againn; better than wednesday but bit worse than thursday. kept feeling un-hungry. ate what felt lyk the least amount of food that day in my entire life. oh yeahh, HCI open house was that day! :DD saw quite alot of old ny friends and more imptly, SQUADMATES! :] hmms, everyone seemed to have grown prettier and thinner, hahas. but abit boring yeahh, there wasnt alot of ppl.. oops.
and SOOO i felt weirdd all the way till saturday and i missed sunday's squad outing at sentosa! damnnit. :CC but i was worried bout my odd illness. imagine waking one day and not feeling hungry anymore. OMG, i sound lyk ive turned into an angel. (.______.) bian sian le. i really got freaked out.
but it turned out fine after the 1st day of sch, hahas. im glad. :p
btw, 1st day of school started with a blast! :] met classmates at cheers. then trudged up to class together, hahas. talking rubbish with everyone againn feels funn. but lessons are not. ><" havent got a chance for a decent lunch with the 1 hour break. queued and bought notes. they cost 20 bucks. eeks, my money. :C then hurriedly bought sandwiches from four leaves. chiong-ed to class late. teacher told us to go out and eat. hurriedly stuffed our food down and went back into class. chaotic! after lessons eneded for the day, went IT helpdesk. chatted with caiyi and peter while waiting. peter offered to wait for me, when he was done first.. thanks. hahas, that was nice. :] oh and peiling bought new sandals! :) they're nice. we swapped sandals for half the day, hehe. X]
today! morning class got cancelled!! :D and i got to read quite abit of Distribution and Transportation notes beforehand. and got pissed off when i was waiting for friend at blk 56. yet another weirdd person walked straight up to me and started preaching. this is so wth. hais, the sch should do something about this. i dont lyk it. wish they would just leave ppl alone. it feels harassing. that person tried to continue talking to me even when i made it clear in a super polite way that i was not interested. im sure she understands english. :CCC napped quite abit in library and went for lessons.
surprisingly, i lyk Distribution and Transportation pretty much. :] mr yeo seems pretty good. i feel that he's explaining his lecture in the way that i can understand. one of the rare few times that i felt lyk i was actually enjoying a lecture. he's kinda humourous, but he doesnt laugh when he says funny things.. O_O
next lesson was conducted in the smallest classroom that ive ever been to in sch. the space between the desk aisles only permitted 1-way movement. (._____.) play the ice-breaker game and we were supposed to imagine the room as a map of spore. and we were supposed to move to different parts of the room according to which parts of spore we stayed in. and i was cracking in laughter cause that would mean that i will standing outside of class. XDD and ruiling treated me a ricola sweet! and the ricola box, a yellow aluminium round small box; made me thought that 'huh?! ruiling, brought an air freshener to school? O_O'. it really looked lyk one! hahahs. you know the type that ppl place inside their cars? yupps. :)
xiangyu got re-elected as the class rep againn, and peter's the assistant. congrats! X] accompanied peter to IT helpdesk cause his lappy still had problem. and now mine too, has the exact prob. yikes. =\ oh and i wore peiling's sandals home, hahas. :) yupps, and she helped me buy a pair of sandals too. :] thank kews! beams*
chatted with shanny just now. :p and vivian too! she's ordered the NEWs color album! O_O and she said that the song on my blog is nice! :] im happy. X]
that's pretty much the update of my life. :p more stories coming up as the curtain rises to the unknown future! and im once more engulfed into school life drama and endless pile of school work. (._____.) take care and jiayous for the new term everyone! :]
dear classmates, do check out our class blog! peter's had it updated with the new term stuffs! :] the link's on your right. :)
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
---
Saturday, October 04, 2008
: 9:28:00 PM :
You Are a Cinnamon Raisin Bagel |
 You are warm, loving, and genuinely selfless. You enjoy comforting other people, and you easily fall into the roll of caretaker. Of all the types, you're the most likely to be an excellent cook. You tend to have something delicious for breakfast that you've cooked up for everyone. |
You Are a Jelly Donut |
 So you're a little rounder than most folks - but it's only in the right places! You maintain a clean exterior, even if you're all messy on the inside. You think you're the best, and that's mostly true... But remember, you're just an empty shell without your jelly! |
You Are Mustard |
 Your personality is strong and distinctive. You are beyond quirky. You can stand alone in the world well. You are a strong individual. You sometimes work well with others, as long as there aren't any other strong personalities involved. Your taste in food tends to be simple yet high quality. You can really get into a perfectly prepared sandwich or simple fresh salad. You get along best with ketchup and barbeque sauce personalities. Get you with a salsa personality, and things might become downright nasty! |
What Your Taste in Chocolate Says About You |
 You are sophisticated, modern, and high class. Your taste is refined, but you are not picky. You are often the first to try something new. You are fun loving, outgoing, and very social. You love meeting new people and celebrating. You can be a bit of a fair weather friend. You don't like bad news or drama. You love new adventures and activities. You enjoy living a full life, even if it is chaotic. You feel lost when things are quiet. You rather not think... you prefer to just do! |
You Are a Salty Person |
 When it comes to snacks, you're more likely to grab a bag of chips over a bag of cookies. There's a good chance you're male (men prefer salty snacks)... Or at least, you feel very comfortable in male dominated environments. Your taste tends to be complex, sophisticated, and adult. You tend to crave your favorite restaurant meal... or mom's cooking. |
You Are Muesli |
 You are broad minded and cosmopolitan. Your tastes are varied and numerous. You like many types of things. You definitely aren't picky. The only thing you can't stand is being bored. You're the kind of person who can't have the same breakfast often. Your breakfast is unpredictable, unique, and very varies. |
You Are Spaghetti Bolognese |
 Compared to most people, you are well grounded and down to earth. You have old fashioned values. Your taste tends to favor what's tried and true. You love comfort food. Familiar situations put you at ease. You think that the best cooking comes from your family's kitchen! |
You Are a Chocolate Shake |
 You are a total hedonist. You are drawn to pleasure. You are an expressive, over the top person. You're naturally dramatic. You're the type of person who always chooses quality over quantity. Life's too short to not have optimal experiences. You're proud of being picky. |
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
---
Friday, October 03, 2008
: 1:57:00 AM :
UNDER CONTRUCTION!!
OMG, I CANT WAIT TO SEE EILEEN!! <33
AHAHS! :] MISSED YOU LYK MADD! :)
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
---
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CREDITS |
-- HESITATING MEANS DEATH - the GazettE [Italian translation - angeldevil87@LJ]
[English translation - distressedcoma@LJ]
You, who know this pain, will soon plant the seeds here once again
You hope the flowers that changed their colours will bloom someday
You, who know this pain, could you pour water on them without trembling
The colourful flowers you have never seen are calling out for you again