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色付いた花が咲く何時かを願う
その痛み知る君が震えずに水を注げた頃に
見た事の無い色の花がまた君を誘う
redberrie
19 +
04-06-1991
NP - BA - ISCM - 3S01
ex-assumptionknight
<33! |
Saturday, February 25, 2006
: 11:31:00 AM :
harlo. im going bit crazy. emotionally. can switch here and there anytime. oof. already felt lyk breaking on last day of obs. it has totally nothing to do with how tough the course is. its just cause of me. myself. and i carn take my life anymore. there's a limit for everyone in everything. and my limit is reaching. really felt upset and frustrated by the pathetic life im leading. so sick of being neither here or there and just in the middle of nowhere. somewhere else in the wilderness. where i carn see anything. and nobody seems to be caring much bout me in a new environment.
kept on feeling sadd all the way to punngol jetty there, then soon heng came crapping away to me. and i crapped back. kinda felt better cause i can open my mouth to talk instead of keeping to myself. haha, thanks k. oh and he kept nagging me to go cca with him. and im lyk haha, okay you win lahh. went for cca. and i actually felt better after it. dun feel that much drifty temporarily. really made me felt belonged and happy. laughing together with my batchmates and sec 2's when alvin sir was training us drill. shouting and echo-ing cheers together when we did pt. complaining about sec1's irritating and qian bian attitude after bersurai. haha. =]
hmm, but come home then clear all my stuff away on that very day. then use the comp but my stoopid idiotuc er jie come home and made me get off the comp by force while i was talking to fishball. my er jie is so damn mean. i dun lyk her. went back into my room broke down and really cried berry berry hard. all the hard feelings this morning came rushing back. dunno why. my brain started forming stuff. and started to blame you for everything.
i dun care. i want to throw all the blame on you. who ask you not to care enough about me. why do you never take the iniative. is it that hard just doing that. must it always be me who does it. turning back to care for you and you never really seem to appreaciate it. does it kill just for you to take the iniative once to be the one who talks to me. im so sick of giving and giving and giving all day long. but at the end of the day again, i never get anything back from you. or anyone else. cause you always took me for granted. that i'll be the one forever be chasing you around for your comfort and reassurance. why must i let your actions control my life so much. why should what you do affect my emotions. im not your puppet. nor anybody elses'. and most importantly, after everything, why do i still care for you so much. why do i still do what i do. maybe it just all comes down again to this simple statement. i still lyk you.
what am i doing. hais, i dunno either. its just another random post again. hey, you please dont take what i typed seriously k. im just upset. upset over my life. sick sad and tired.
i lose my way
and its not too long before you point it out.
12.20 pm 25.02.06
愛憎の狭間 夢を見ていた
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CREDITS |
-- HESITATING MEANS DEATH - the GazettE [Italian translation - angeldevil87@LJ]
[English translation - distressedcoma@LJ]
You, who know this pain, will soon plant the seeds here once again
You hope the flowers that changed their colours will bloom someday
You, who know this pain, could you pour water on them without trembling
The colourful flowers you have never seen are calling out for you again